There is no shortage of amazing Olympic events and memories.
Michael Phelps embarrassed any mortal man who thought he could swim and the Chinese gymnastics team twisted their bodies into shapes of popular balloon animals.
However, choosing what to watch was a daunting task.
Thus, I give you the top five Olympic Events you may have missed, but should have watched.
5 — Fencing
This sport was so unique because it looked high tech.
The electronic scoring system made fencers’ helmets light up like a Radiohead concert every time they were stuck.
If you walked into the room and turned on a television, you would think you were watching Darth Vader battle a bathroom mirror to the death.
Now perhaps if The Sharper Image begins selling fencing helmets the sport will catch on.
4 — Badminton
The best thing about badminton is that it is seemingly wimpy.
The 2008 Olympics made it look extreme.
If you missed badminton this year, then imagine a shuttlecock traveling 200 mph toward your face.
That would make even Rambo flinch.
Any sport that makes the most-feared film character of all time flinch is worth watching.
3 — Table Tennis
As of late, the popularity of table tennis has been minimal.
This is because Forrest Gump is too old to compete in the Olympics and Forrest Gump Jr. tested positive for steroid use.
This is a shame because this event deserves recognition.
Table tennis is fast, furious and dangerous.
Also, table tennis allows the viewer to get an extraordinary amount of exercise.
Following the ball not only will make your neck lean and muscular, but it will also train your eyes to see like a falcon.
After only an hour of watching table tennis, you will be able to see the mailman coming when he is three days away.
2 — Track
What is cooler that having a man named Usain Bolt running track?
The answer is nothing.
1 — Trampoline
No other sport more clearly defines the spirit of the Olympic Games like trampoline.
It proves that it takes raw determination and keen skill to jump in the air and fall down.
Most athletes make it look easy and enjoyable.
This comes as a relief because events like rhythmic gymnastics, javelin and sports involving water look terrifying.
Trampoline looks fun.
After I father a child, I know for a fact that I will sit him or her in front of the Olympics and make believe that trampoline is the only sport in existence.
Before I know it, I will be rolling in the endorsement money from Leisure Kingdom and JumpKing.
I cannot wait to owe my entire life to the best Olympic sport ever.
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