Welcome to the Tuesday Top 5, where every week a new list will detail the best of the best. This week, in honor of classes beginning, the best moments of being “schooled” are compiled.
Judging by the ridiculous hustle and bustle on the OSU campus, it is obvious to see that classes have once again begun.
It is without a doubt a good thing classes have resumed because our campus is a practical place to learn.
If you do not believe me, then take these cinematic examples of being “schooled” as proof that it is much better to be taught lessons by professors at OSU than by anything else.
Also, do not forget that this list is meant to be both a piece of entertainment and a learning tool. Use it to make sure history is not repeated.
5. Russell Franklin gets “schooled” in “Deep Blue Sea”
After some complications arise from attempting to make sharks smarter than the average bear, Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) attempts to pull his fellow man together by yelling unnecessarily loud.
Sadly, he yells so loud that his dialogue gets interrupted by a hungry shark.
It goes to show that it is never a good idea to shout the words, “Things can get a whole lot worse.”
Also, it bears pointing out that the shark does not even apologize after snacking on Jackson; even for a genius shark, that is pretty cold.
4. The Wicked Witch of the East gets “schooled” in “The Wizard of Oz”
The death of The Wicked Witch of the East might not seem like a significant scene in “The Wizard of Oz,” but her homely death teaches an important lesson that every human being learns at one point in life.
If you are evil or choose to break any sort of law, then a house will eventually fall out of the sky and onto your unlucky body.
This “schooled” moment seems a little harsh, but it does make me think twice every time I want to illegally download music off the Internet.
3. America gets “schooled” in “Wild Wild West”
To my knowledge, no other film in existence has truly shone a light on what our country was like during the late 1800s.
America had flying bicycles, magical magnetic collars that attracted spinning death wheels and giant mechanical spiders that kept citizens in check at all hours.
Today we have none of those things and because of that, Flava Flav is popular.
2. Titanic gets “schooled” in “Titanic”
Have caution and take your time while traveling through iceberg infested waters.
1. Goro getting “schooled” in Mortal Kombat
Topping off the list is a moment so grand it makes David versus Goliath look like a game of badminton with your great grandmother.
Matched against a four armed, pony-tailed and slightly mutated opponent named Goro, stocky flesh-bag Johnny Cage seems as if he does not stand a chance in winning a simple fight to the death.
That is until Goro crushes Cage’s $500 sunglasses.
After that point, Cage courageously performs a split and punches Goro in a place that I imagine the sun gleefully chooses to avoid.
Shortly after destroying Goro’s manhood, Cage kicks Goro off of a giant cliff.
If that did not teach Goro a lesson, then I do not know what would.
Now, it is up to you to go out and share what you have received.
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Maybe you should add punctuation and grammar to your “schooling,” Nathan Poppe, entertainment editor.
Are these the only movies you’ve seen? I mean seriously… You’ve got the Wizard of Oz on there, a true classic, but the Wild Wild West? The Deep Blue Sea? Are you just a fan of bad movies or what?
Sean may have had a point, but then I saw that he didn’t even mention Titanic in his criticism. We can make fun of Mr. Poppe for Wild Wild West but not Titanic? I believe the point of the article is to entertain and that it did. Funkzilla, you’re shoulding all over yourself. I wish commenter’s were required to submit articles they have written themselves, especially when their only objective in commenting is to criticize the author and not the article. Please submit articles for us to read and wait for a “schooling” in your comments.
Brian… if you dig deep enough in the archives, I’m sure you will find plenty enough of me to ciriticize ;) By the way, I still have never seen Titantic. I refused since day one and I one day with any hope I’ll be known as the only American to never have seen it.
And good lord I can’t spit out a grammatically correct sentance today.
Or spell properly. I schooled myself.