Editor’s note: This article, TV Ate My Soul, will run every Tuesday as long as Chevy’s TV does not break.
Welcome to the most important and socially relevant weekly column you will ever read.
Not really, but if you are in need of a cornucopia of TV and pop culture rants, reviews, previews and gossip, then this is the place to be, or rather, read.
Each week I will delve head-first into the vast ocean that is primetime TV.
Do you want to know who is new on Wysteria Lane?
Did you forget what happened to Jack and the gang on “Lost” last week?
Are you curious as to what show is worth watching?
I watch an unhealthy amount of TV, so you do not have to! Now that we are on a first-name basis, let me admit something.
I do not love summer because there is next to nothing on the tube. It is either reruns or reality TV; neither is my first choice when hitting the power button.
There are only a few things worth watching if you can survive until late June or early July.
The biggest event during the summer season, of course, is the Olympics.
Speaking of the Olympics, Michael Phelps is now the most decorated U.S. athlete in the history of the Olympics. Phelps is a Jedi Master when it comes to swimming, but this is hardly news.
I mean, when you watch him during the ceremonies you know he is thinking, “Oh, a bouquet of flowers. Another for the garden. There goes the National Anthem. I almost forgot what that sounded like.”
Sarcasm aside, good for Phelps and America. When it comes to swimmers, we know how to make them.
Because the Olympics is an excuse for a large group of people to train for years in an attempt to break each other’s records, I think I should mention one of the more exciting records.
Benjamin Boukpeti won bronze in the Men’s Single Kayak Slalom, which is West Africa’s first-ever Olympic medal.
Now, this is the kind of stuff I want to see at the Olympics. It gets kind of bland when one person or country wins 744 medals in the same event. Anyway, Boukpeti snapped his paddle in half in celebration.
I guess that is like the kayaker equivalent to smashing a guitar on stage.
The only other Olympic thing worth mentioning is the age of China’s gymnasts.
Either they are using some radical anti-aging serum that cannot be healthy, or they are lying about their ages. Seriously, I see some of these girls, and I want to fly over to Beijing just to see if they are selling Thin Mints.
On a more complimentary note, I have never seen a more talented group of 12-year-olds.
That about wraps up my Olympics coverage.
Oh, Apollo Ono was a guest judge on an Olympics-themed “Project Runway” a couple of weeks ago. That was kind of neat.
I hope you enjoyed the very first “episode” of “TV Ate My Soul”.
NEXT WEEK:
The CW’s revamp of “90210” and FOX’s Thriller, “Fringe.” One will blur the lines between science and science fiction, and the other promises to be just as scandalous as the on-call room at Seattle Grace.
Also, what’s new in the world of TV on DVD.
Stay tuned O’Colly readers.
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