I’m something of an amateur flag burner. My friend A.C. had been telling me about how flag burning was all the rage in Europe, so, naturally, being the trendy guy I am, I at once set out to see what all the hub-bub was about.
My first attempt did not go so well. Apparently burning the Dutch flag does not get you onto the front page of the O’Colly.
After a rapid text conversation with A.C., I soon found out that Dutch flag burning had gone out with the Boer War. Dutch is so 1890s. If ya wanna be trendy, ya gotta burn American.
But why, A.C. should I burn our flag? As it turns out, the American flag symbolizes all that is wrong with the world.
It represents an evil consumer society brought about by the scourge of capitalism. The flag has even been known to use dust busters to suck the soul from your mouth.
I then inquired if I should burn his American Eagle shirt as a symbol too but he didn’t seem to hear me. Because of skyrocketing flag prices A.C. recommended Wal-Mart to find an affordable one. A.C. also found this cute little stainless steal crème bruleé torch that would make starting a flame a breeze. Flag and torch all for $14.56, damn you America.
So now I was really ready. I was ready to make my statement. Ready to stick it to the man. After a few moments thoughts I decided the greatest concentration of the man would be at the local Veteran’s Hospital.
Crème bruleé torch in hand, A.C. and I hopped into his XTerra and all-wheel drived it all the way down to the man.
Bursting into the intensive care unit, megaphone blaring, and flag ablaze, we made sure they heard our outrage.
Had most of them not been on ventilators I’m sure they would have tried to squash my first amendment rights. Lord knows I was trying to squash theirs.
Every time a patient or doctor would try and confront me and voice their hate, I had my pepper spray at the ready.
Eventually some tools of oppression, or “police”, as the religious right calls them, came and said we could not continue our brave struggle in the hospital. But we had made our point. At least I thought we did. Doubt started to fill my mind as we filled the XTerra up at Texaco on the way home.
Had we done the right thing? Hadn’t we just been protesting everything that gives the right to protest in the first place? Nah.
A.C. quickly assuaged any doubts I might have had. Flag burning is every American’s right, nay, every American’s duty. Hillary Clinton has spoken and may her words ring true, “God bless the America we are trying to create.”
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I was very, very upset whe I read this article in the ocolly. This article is the very representation of everything that is wrong with America today. Before you go off RAMBLING about how America is so evil and how we are such a terrible nation, you should get down on your knees and thank God that you even live in a counrty that would allow you to go out and buy a flag and publically burn it. If you had decided to do that anywhere else, the police would not show up, but the firering squad would. It is so easy for you to sit there in your office and write about burning flags and making statements when that is all you are… just a lot of talk. You never actually do anything about it. You’re more than happy to complain all day long about how flawed America is and not do anything about it besides burning flags. The next time you want to burn a flag, do us all a favor and wrap yourself in it first.
P.S. This goes for your friend A.C. too!
I believe the author’s attempt was for a satirical approach to both sides of the flag-burning, anti-American sentiments present in our culture today. The author clearly exaggerates, does not feel that flag burning is acceptable, and the means by which dissidents approach criticism is often misguided. Going to Wal-Mart in order to purchase a flag to protest hyper-patriotism and capitalism within our society? The incongruence is clear. The mock-ignorance of burning a Dutch flag so as to appear rebellious, the attempt to “stick it to the man” by means of protesting by protesting veterans who, arguably, helped ensure the right to protest, the irony is apparent.
Perhaps a poor attempt at attacking the “religious right” as he calls them, perhaps something else, aside from mocking both sides, the author’s aim comes across rather unclear. Maybe the argument is that being American is more than flags, or gas prices, or capitalism at the drop of the hat. Maybe the point is that regardless of where we are as a nation, we are still going somewhere, and we should remain cognizant of that.
Either side of the debate you align with, I think it is important to remember:
You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists. -Abbie Hoffman
Just a point of fact:
Hillary Clinton actually supports banning flag burning. She co-sponsored a bill to that effect two years ago (http://www.ny1.com/ny1/content/index.jsp?stid=3&aid=55396).
Next time you wish to go on an ineffective satirical rant about the damn liberals, at least go after the correct ones.
Seeing as how I wrote the article, I can say that the article is not really about flag-burning or Hillary Clinton per se. I’m merely highlighting people who fail to appreciate what they have. The Clinton quote isn’t about her support of flag burning or what have you. It’s just a summary of the points I’m trying to get across. People who do not appreciate what they have.And it was suppose to be funny.Which I think it was :)
I think that this article was right on. Whether a liberal or conservatice, I believe the point is quite clear. Though I also found the satire quite clear as well,and as I read theses comments, its apparent some did not pick up on that. This article purely focuses on the idea that we need to appreciate what we have by showing the ignorance of some Americans. Bravo!