The Daily O’Collegian

In the past nine months, Amanda Money has received 60 posts on her Facebook Wall.

Facebook addicts may say that 60 Wall posts in nine months is not that many. Even modest users would likely agree until they learned that Money died in a car collision in November.

Although none of the friends and family who post on her Wall believes Money will write back, they continue to write messages.

Some posts are short: just “love and miss you” or “I MISS YOU. I MISS YOU. I MISS YOU.”

Others are long. Many seem to be inside jokes, unintelligible phrases that outsiders could never understand or appreciate. And a rare few are heart-felt, somber requests for a loved one to return to this world.

The profile is comforting, said Money’s sister-in-law, Kinsey Westwood-Money, who requested the interview be conducted in a Facebook message because a face-to-face interview would be too painful even nine months later.

“I suppose we post on her wall because it is an outlet for our pain and grief,” she said. “It is a way for us to say all of the things we wish we had said when we had the chance and a way to remember the happy memories instead of the last ones.”

Money’s childhood friend, KD Moody, said she also likes to post messages with updates on everyday life.

“It helps me so much,” she said. “I’m telling her what’s going on. I just wrote her today to tell her that our three other best friends just moved in together.”

Reaching out to Money through Facebook feels natural, Moody said.

“She lived on there,” Moody said. “Especially when they got that new mini feed.”

Moody and Money, then an agriculture communications sophomore, were roommates at Oklahoma State before the Nov. 24 car wreck, but Moody said she has since transferred to Southeastern to be closer to her hometown, Calera.

Moody said Money logged in to the networking site on the day of her wreck.

“That’s the way she was before she wasn’t with us,” she said.

Moody saidd she knows Money’s password and that she used to check her profile sometimes. Money had several friend requests and messages after her death, Moody added.

Moody shared the password with Money’s family so they could access private messages, but Moody said she does not think her family checks the profile.

Moody and Westwood-Money agreed that public Wall posts are more satisfying than private messages or e-mails.

“I don’t send Amanda private notes simply because I haven’t felt there was anything I needed to say that couldn’t go on her Wall,” Westwood-Money said. “Each time I post on her wall, it notifies all of her friends. It is a way to keep Amanda’s memory alive in a happy way.”

Moody said she would upset if Facebook ever deleted the profile.

Westwood-Money agreed the family does not want the profile to be taken off the Web.

“I think we (all of her family and friends) would be upset if her profile were to be deleted,” she said. “It is a small piece of something personal that she left behind. Seeing it helps us heal.”

Although Westwood-Money is glad to have Money’s profile available, she said not all families are the same.

“Each family had a different story that led to the death of a loved one and each has their own way of mourning and coping with grief,” she said. “For some families, it might be too painful.

Facebook policy allows members to maintain a profile for an unspecified period of time.

“When we are notified that a user has died, we will generally, but are not obligated to, keep the user’s account active under a special memorialized status for a period of time determined by us to allow other users to post and view comments,” according to the Web site.

A spokeswoman for Facebook added: “In the Memorial State, certain profile sections and features are hidden from view to protect the privacy of the departed. We encourage users to utilize groups and group discussions to mourn and remember the deceased.”

MySpace also has a policy regarding the profiles of members who have died. Neither will share a deceased member’s password with family.

“Given the sensitive nature of deceased-member profiles, MySpace handles each incident on a case-by-case basis when notified and will work with families to respect their wishes,” a MySpace spokeswoman said. “We often hear from families that a user’s profile is a way for friends to celebrate the person’s life, giving friends a positive outlet to connect with one another and find comfort during the grieving process.”

Although their messages may never get answered, the friends and family of Money are planning to keep posting.

“For our family, it is a nice way to see Amanda’s silly pictures and personality every day,” Westwood-Money said. “She will never be forgotten and Facebook and MySpace help make that possible.”