I have decided what I want to do with the rest of my life: I want to go to prison.
Who wouldn’t want to? Prisoners live tax-free with paid medical expenses, three meals a day and guaranteed shelter. Though it is in prison, these conditions are better than some in which impoverished Americans live. I think it’s about time that changed.
At a prison in Mason County, Texas, Sheriff Clint Low created a brilliant solution to the rising rates of repeat offenders. His entire men’s jail — from the bars to the beds and even the boxers — is pink.
Low claims that the reoffending rate lowered by 70 percent and there had been no fights since the introduction of the decidedly non-masculine decor and fashion.
But Low is not alone in unorthodox punishment methods. He based his idea on those of Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who established what is probably the most effective prison in the U.S.
Inmates in Arapio’s prison live outside in canvas tents regardless of the weather. And temperatures can climb to well over 100 degrees in the Arizona desert. They each receive minimal medical care, eat an average of 90 cents worth of food per day, and most importantly, they save taxpayers thousands ever year.
The conditions in which they live are not unlike those the troops in the Middle East face. And if those conditions are acceptable for America’s heroes, they should certainly be OK for America’s scum.
In short, Arapio’s prison is what prison is supposed to be: a punishment.
The American Civil Liberties Union and more compassionate people may claim that those conditions are cruel and that rehabilitation is the key to cutting down on repeat offending, but I beg to differ.
Inmates are imprisoned because they’ve broken laws. I think that’s justification to strip them of most of their rights. If they’d wanted to keep them, they should have stayed on the right side of the law.
Rehab is nice in theory, but I don’t believe it works. I don’t want to find out that the guy sitting next to me in the theater was in for rape and released as “rehabilitated.” He still raped someone. And rehab in no way guarantees he won’t do it again.
I also believe that inmates give up their rights to extensive and unnecessary medical care. The recent controversy over inmate Michelle — formerly Robert — Kosilek’s desire — not need, desire — to physically become a woman is a prime example of the exploitation of taxpayers’ money.
If the pipes to my sink worked, I wouldn’t re-plumb everything just because I don’t like the faucet.
Punishment isn’t punishment if it’s enjoyable. It’s time to stop coddling prisoners. Anyone else for a good ol’ fashioned tarring and feathering in the town square?
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