The Daily O’Collegian

I work at Payne County Youth Services in Stillwater as a counselor of adolescents and their families.

The transitional living program, also known as Sanctuary, is one of many services PCYS offers. Sanctuary is a program designed to help youths aged 17-21 who are virtually homeless effectively transition to independent living. I am the counselor for this program.

Several of my clients from the Sanctuary program have experienced a darker side of life as adolescents that many of us will never experience in our entire lives.

But there is one difficult aspect of life they face that we all go through at one point or another — making the transition from dependent living to independent living. The complexity experienced during this part of life will vary from person to person, as no two people are alike in personality. Therefore, the level of difficulty involved might manifest itself in various forms. For example, we might struggle with some form of depression or anxiety. We may also experience a new degree of insecurity or vulnerability as we work through determining our role and purpose in this life.

If you find yourself struggling in making this transition to independent living, I have a few suggestions that may prove helpful.

First, remember your roots and stay in contact with your family. If you left home on bad terms, make an effort to mend those relationships. Emotionally cutting yourself off from your loved ones is more likely to hinder your growth as a mature adult than to aid in it.

Second, find a support system and nurture those relationships. In doing so, you create for yourself an environment in which you feel safe expressing not only your joy and hopes, but also your fears and uncertainties.

In addition, be involved in recreational activities (e.g., exercise classes, outdoor adventures, church or religious gatherings or events). This is a wonderful way to relieve the stress that you naturally experience during this stage of life.

Also, learn to say no. When you overwhelm yourself with too much responsibility, you run the risk of cheating yourself and others of a job well done.

A fifth suggestion would be to explore, expand and utilize your resources, which include your physical, mental and spiritual well-being. For instance, if you feel your struggles require help beyond the ear of a close friend, having several options available may increase the likeliness of getting the help you need.

Lastly, in all situations, try to determine what you can and can’t control. Begin with determining your responsibility of the situation, and decide how you can most effectively contribute.

Although this list is by no means exhaustive, I hope you can find something of use within it. Independence isn’t something achieved overnight; it’s a lifelong journey with several hardships, rewards and suddenly changing roads along the way. I wish you all good luck during this quest.

Joshua Nichols is a guest columnist at The Daily O’Collegian. He can be reached via e-mail at joshua.nichols@okstate.edu