Editor’s Note: This is the fourth in a four-part sexual health series.
Is premarital sex moral? It’s a question not often discussed openly, but with knowledge and communication about sex, one professor said the correct decision can be made.
“I look at decision making as a psychological process,” said Bill Scott, associate psychology professor. “I want both males and females to be assertive about asking questions about sex.”
Nate Alberty, business freshman, said he and his girlfriend, Melinda Wakefield, Manhattan School of Music freshman, both virgins, have been dating for 14 months and have talked about the possibility of marriage.
“I talked about it (sex) with her the first week we met so we could have a better idea of what each other desired when it came to sexual morality,” Alberty said.
Alberty said his parents influenced his decision to remain abstinent. Stories from his friends’ sexual regrets and his Christian beliefs impacted him as well.
“It’s not only a special gift you can give to your wife but waiting creates less problems,” Alberty said. “I have more respect for the person I am with.”
Wakefield said remaining abstinent until marriage is safer for her because she does not have to worry about contracting a sexually transmitted disease and getting pregnant out of wedlock.
“I believe sex can complicate a relationship,” Wakefield said. “Having sex before marriage is something that I am not able to handle before I am married in all the ways: emotionally and physically.”
She said by not having sex with Alberty, she knows that he is with her because of who she is and not for sex. Their relationship is clear and purity is a common bond they share.
Because both of them share the same views on premarital sex, talking about sex with each other was not difficult, the 19-year-olds said.
For some people, talking about taking the next step in a relationship is not easy. However, Scott said communication and education are key in making moral and ethical decisions before engaging in a sexual relationship.
Scott said the Oklahoma State University course Human Sexuality 2593, a class he teaches, helps students learn the appropriate times to question a partner’s sexual history, the appropriate places to have sex and the legal issues involving sex for example.
“Sex is a thinking person’s interpersonal activity,” Scott said.
What people do not know about sex can get them in trouble, especially with the law.
Scott said legal sex must be consensual with someone over 18 years of age and with a mentally fit partner. This means having sex with someone under the influence of alcohol or with a mentally handicapped person can be illegal depending on the situation.
In Oklahoma, engaging in oral sex with the same sex partner is illegal, but heterosexual oral sex is legal, Scott said.
For another OSU student, having sex was not a moral issue.
“Having premarital sex was not that big of a deal to me,” said Jared Harlow, business sophomore. “It’s kind of like drinking beer in high school; you just kind of did it.”
Harlow lost his virginity because of peer pressure, but it was also something that he wanted to do, he said.
“I wish it had been more special, but I wouldn’t take it back,” Harlow said.
Even though he said he did not have a problem with premarital sex, he said he looks for girls who do not want to have sex with him because he likes the challenge and does not want a girl who will give in to him easily.
“I think everyone needs the experience,” he said. “Sex is a life lesson.”
Bethany Krottinger can be reached via e-mail at bkrottinger@ocolly.com
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